Somebody needs to neutralize this woman and fast! You've put up with a lot more than I would have, and when people give in to Drama Queens, it just enables them to continue. You should ask your fiance to talk to his stepmom or his dad, and say whatever has to be said. If you can do it yourself, that's fine, but you shouldn't have to. She needs to be told she has no standing in this wedding, her comments are not helpful, and her choice is to attend the wedding YOU plan or to not attend.
I'd also stop communicating with her unless it's a true emergency. There really isn't anything left in your planning that involves her, and if you're on the phone and she starts whining, just terminate the call.
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